This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
