It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
