fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
