hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
