Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
