3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
