I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
