i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
