Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
