i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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