Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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