Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
