I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
