He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
