ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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