i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Randomize
