tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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