Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
