a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
