hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
