True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
