maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
