yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
