I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
