Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
