If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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