i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
