Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
