she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
