forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
