omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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