That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
