Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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