he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
