i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
