You made me cry and you don't even care
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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