i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
