U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
