So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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