trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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