Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
