dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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