I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
