I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
