and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
