who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
