your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
This toilet bowl is my home.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
