beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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