these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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