Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The power of my boobs compel you
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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